Recently, Nintendo revealed their intentions to actually support their own handheld by announcing that the next chapter in the insanely popular Pokémon series will be coming out for it. Pokémon X and Pokémon Y will be the first in the main series to do away with the sprite-based art style used since its inception; and will have a simultaneous worldwide release to boot.
This news has resulted in several fans complaining. To these fans I have two things to say:
1) Fuck you.
2) You should have known this was coming the second the 3DS was released, you dumbasses. Fuck you again.
Nintendo knows that the 3DS has not been the success story they had hoped for, and even they have had to admit that it’s lagging sales have been their own fault due to a severe lack of “must have” games for the device. Personally, I thought that releasing Black 2 and White 2 last year were sending the wrong message to 3DS owners, many of whom were still annoyed at Nintendo for the price drop early on (Although the ambassador program more than made up for it). Pokemon X/Y is simply the game that the majority of 3DS owners have been waiting for.
As for Pokémon X/Y themselves, I’m not going to bother speculating based on less than 2 minutes of footage; instead I’m going to list a few things that I’m hoping to see in this next installment.
The name of the game is “How long will you survive?”
Not bloody long.
Wii U Deaths: 2
Seriously though, you need to be smart in this game or it’s going to rip you a new one. The controls are a little stiff, but you get used to them after a little while. Using the touch screen is really awkward at times too. Especially when trying to manage loot. The touch screen doesn’t seem to pick up on my fingers very well, which is a bitch when you’re trying to do something quickly. I’ll mess around with the settings before I play next time.
The atmosphere of the game is nice and creepy, everything’s dark and dirty, and you will check our personal radar like a lunatic.
Oh, and there’s a camera app that makes you look like a zombie. It’s really finicky, but when you finally get it to accept your face, the resulting picture looks pretty good.
After an hour or so I decided to see what some of the other Wii U features were, so I randomly clicked on Miiverse.
Miiverse is Nintendo’s own little social network built into the Wii U. Seriously, every game has its own little group with a wall for people to post onto. It reminded me that you can take screenshots while playing ZombiU, something else for me to figure out next time…
So, through an odd circumstance that I’d rather not get into (What’re ya buyin’), I find myself in possession of a Wii U. It’s installation was mercifully simple. 1 HDMI cable, 1 AC adapter with a small beast of a block towards the end. I was relieved to see that the Wii U uses the exact same sensor bar as the Wii, which meant I wouldn’t have to pry the little bastard off the top of my tv, as after one of the sensor bars many attempts of suicide, I sticky tacked it to the top of my tv.
Next I powered it on, and was told in 4 languages (2 at a time, alternating) to synch my Wii U gamepad with the console. To spare any of you who are planning on purchasing this system a minor headache, the synch button on the controller is on the back, and needs to be pressed in with a pen.
Or its own stylus, if you’re smarter than me.
Now we power on, do some minor ‘Welcome to your new system’ things, and now were all ready to g-
The Wii U has a 5GB day 1 update.
2 hours later…
The update has finally finished, I’ve imported my Mii from my 3DS, and it’s time to see what Nintendo’s latest beast has to offer. I got the deluxe set, which came with Nintendo Land.
And since I’m not a ~complete~ idiot, I also bought ZombiU.
Now let me say this, the Wii U has two menus, the one that were all familiar with, and the one that from what I can tell, shows off what other people are doing and things that are available for the Wii U. Stick with the former, for in the other way lies madness.
Wanting to see what Nintendo’s people can do with their own system, I decided to play Nintendo Land first. After a somewhat lengthy intro with a machine with a very annoying voice (which echos through the gamepad) I was finally ready to play my first Wii U game.
Obviously I started with Mario.
The Mario game is a Mario game in that is Mario in title only. In every Nintendo land game I’ve played thus far, you play as your Mii wearing the titular character’s clothes. The gameplay is just like Pacman VS, where the player with the gamepad is wearing a Mario costume and the remaining players are Mushroom people who are chasing him down through a maze. (Why they didn’t go with koopas or goombas is beyond me) If there are less than 4 players, the remaining “chaser” slots go to what I’m calling Mecha Yoshis. They chase after, but don’t actually catch the mario player. Instead you are treated to a watching them punch the player around, which I found rather amusing.
Next I –was interrupted by the machine again- Which showed me that the coins I earn can be spent on a pachinko looking minigame that adds more stuff to the theme park that I have barely even begun exploring.
So finally it was time to try out another minigame, this time I chose the one based on F Zero.
In the F Zero game, which is an obstacle game, you hold the gamepad sideways and tilt it left and right top avoid obstacles, hit speed boosts, and try to finish the course before time runs out.
On the 3rd course I managed to launch my rocket car riiiight off the track.
Wii U Deaths: 1
Next I –was interrupted by the machine again, this time telling me about a train that takes a tour of the “attractions” Nintendo Land has to offer. Seeing this as an opportunity to check out more games without being interrupted by the machine between each one, I tried it out.
The tour battle train lets you and however many “friends” of yours you have on hand to compete against each other to see who can get the most points in whatever number of games you want to play. You each take turns, handing off the gamepad to the person who’s turn it is, and everyone else gets amuse themselves by watching, mocking, and whatever acts of subterfuge/sabotage strikes their fancy.
But in the end, one is victorious.
Stay tuned, because next I’m going to see how many different ways I can get eaten in ZombiU!!!
More photos of me as Jem. These were taken at GMX this past weekend.
pretty concise argument.
There is a deeply held Beltway myth of Paul Ryan, Man of Big Ideas, and it dies hard. But, if there is a just god in the universe, on Thursday night, it died a bloody death, was hurled into a pit, doused with quicklime, buried without ceremony, and the ground above it salted and strewn with garlic so that it never rises again.
|—||Charles P. Pierce in Paul Ryan Debates Joe Biden - VP Debate 2012: The Real Paul Ryan Is Bad for America - Esquire (via tartantambourine)|
IF YOU’RE JADED ABOUT THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION AND HOW THE ELECTORAL SYSTEM WORKS THEN WHATEVER BUT
YOU STILL NEED TO GO TO THE POLLS IN NOVEMBER
BECAUSE HOUSE AND SENATE SEATS ARE UP FOR GRABS
AND CONSERVATIVES ARE ALREADY SEEING ROMNEY DROP IN THE POLLS AND PUSHING THEIR…
Safe abortions have always been available to the rich, Dan. You simply want to deny them to the poor, and if you succeed, poor woman will be forced to get them anyway. They’ll be forced into the alleys with hangers, plungers and vacuum cleaners, risking death or mutilation. But you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Dan? You sadistic, elitist, sexist, racist, anti-humanist pig! Saturday Night Live 3x18
This aired in 1978. Thirty-four years later, it’s still a fucking ~debate.
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